Snapshots
by WeLcOmE2pArAdIsE
Summary: [Oneshots of Pregnant!Sakura][8:23][SasuSaku : SasuNaru friendship] “Y’ know, I thought since you were gonna be a dad, you would start being all responsible and stuff, and stop screwing around in public like rabbits in heat!”
1. Like You

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto. If I did, I would threaten the anime team at gunpoint to use my oneshots as fillers.

I felt like writing this, so I did. This will be a collection of separate one-shots, related, but sort of not. A little less angsty, but still damn sweet. All the ideas I can't put into a chaptered fic. Chronicles of Sakura's pregnancy!

Awww. (hopeless romantic, here).

Crack-esque.

No, I think it's** just crack**. Nothing but. Random, weird, crack.

Read and review.

* * *

**Like You**

_-SasuSaku-_

_Always enjoy a moment like this,_

_Lost in confusion, wrapped up in bliss._

_Embrace this wholly, don't let it fade_

_Enjoy it forever, together._

_Don't be afraid._

_--_

"Shizune-sama, where i-is Sasuke-san?"

The young medic rose her head from her paperwork, puzzled by the flushed gaze and sparkling white eyes of Hyuuga Hinata. The female shinobi's hands were shaking, almost wringing with a desperate need, but the delighted smile on her face could not be plainer. Clasping her pale hands together under her chin, she struggled to contain the excitement brought on by...Shizune could only, very vaguely, guess.

"Jounin meeting. Naruto's overseeing." In unison, the women winced. The obnoxious blonde leading a meeting usually meant topics of a random, and frankly, useless, nature, arguments with no clear point and of course, lunch. "Why Sasuke-san, Hinata?"

Twisting her fingers in agitation, the white-eyed shinobi seemed to bounce on the balls of her feet, and it was so very strange to see her this way. Eyes shining in anticipatory yearning, the shyest of smiles making it's way onto her pretty features as she seemed to keep herself from bursting out with unnatural excitement.

Leaning forward, she placed a hand on top of Shizune's paperwork and, after another moment of breathless exhilaration, whispered in her ear what was sending her into such a frenzy.

The dark-haired medic let out a squawk of astonishment, scattering the assortment of objects on her desk onto the floor and thoroughly ripping TonTon from his peaceful rest. Hinata placed her hands together as if praying, then put them to her mouth, wondering if Shizune was surprised or glad, or both.

"Omigosh, we have-we have to tell him!" Shizune rounded her desk and mimicked Hinata, clapping her hands together; the joy was utterly contagious. "I'll find Tsunade-sama, you find Sasuke-san, or at the very least, Naruto-san!"

Nodding to each other, they crossed the threshold swiftly and ran in opposite directions, eager to spread the news.

* * *

"NO!" 

SLAM.

"I won't stand for that, not now, not ever. That's a poor decision on your part, Hyuuga, a damn poor decision!"

Neji folded his arms and exchanged a covert glance with Uchiha Sasuke, whom also had his arms crossed over his chest and was content with staring out the nearest window, rather than listening to Naruto's untoward demands and dictations. "Vote, then."

Cerulean eyes narrowed in annoyance, and the blonde leaned over his podium and attempted to intimidate the room with his glare. Unfortunately, he broke the tense silence by pitching headfirst over it, inviting the crowd to join in the raucous laughter. Closer acquaintances with the obnoxious, soon-to-be Hokage, (Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru, Ino, and Tenten included), looked away out of respect, though Sasuke did not hide his snicker.)

"Fine!" Naruto burst out angrily, slamming the gavel down for unnecessary emphasis. An overseer reached past the young shinobi and took it away from him. Naruto pouted slightly.

"Fine," he repeated. "Who wants to _go out_ for lunch?"

"I just want to _get out_!" Ino screeched into the microphone, slamming her fist upon the table. The entire room winced. "I just got home, damn it, that mission was no walk in the park and if you think that I'm going to waste my precious time sitting here listening to you babble about food you are _sadly mistaken_, Naruto!"

"That's _Hokage-sama_ to _you_," the blonde replied, sitting smugly at his raised podium.

"You're not Hokage yet," the overseer reminded.

"I'd pity Kohona if he were," Sasuke rumbled quietly, sharing a smirk with Neji as Ino dissolved into hysterics and Shikamaru sat up abruptly, apparently unaware of the loud proceedings.

"Shut up, teme!"

"Ah ah ah, that's not the way to speak in front of your elders," Sasuke mockingly chastised, inclining his head to the overseer on each side of Naruto's podium. Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his booted feet upon the table and smirked at his friend, the latter's face growing steadily redder.

A sound cut through the nth tense silence that afternoon, and Hinata's slightly flushed face appeared as she opened the door as quietly as possible, evidently aware of the meeting. As one, all heads turned to focus on her, and she smiled gently at her friends, nodded at her. Glancing at Sasuke, whom had merely inclined his head in greeting (and even that was a bit too much effort, in his opinion), she averted her eyes and strode up the aisle. Her newfound confidence was so noticeable, and had been, lately. Curiosity peaked as she stood on her tiptoes and put her chin upon Naruto's podium, whispering quietly as the blonde leaned forward to listen.

"What?" Naruto asked, unable to understand. Hinata continued in a low voice.

"What?" he repeated.

Seeming a little exasperated, Hinata glanced quickly over her shoulder at Sasuke, who rose an eyebrow in inquiry, but she had already turned back to Naruto.

Now Sasuke was annoyed.

"Hinata, I can't understand what you're saying, you're speaking too quiet!"

Clearly frustrated, Hinata's words were caught by the elders, and they too focused on the Uchiha.

Sasuke was still extremely annoyed. He did not appreciate people talking around him or about him or frankly, with him, or any combination of the three. Still leaning on the two back legs of his chair, he tapped his fingers against his muscular upper arm, nudging his microphone with his foot out of irritation and boredom.

Naruto finally understood. Unfortunately, the poor boy lacked common sense.

"SAKURA-CHAN'S HAVIN' A _BABY_?!"

**THUNK.**

Curiosity struck again, and every head turned to see Sasuke's chair now on the floor, the microphone knocked over, and Sasuke nowhere to be seen. Neji leaned sideways and watched the Uchiha impassively, and Ino gaped, open-mouthed. An outbreak of babble and talk commenced, and Sasuke reappeared, dusting himself off and avoiding any and all curious gazes. Planting his chair firmly on four legs, he roughly lowered himself in it and stood the microphone up, leaning forward.

The males at his table were smirking; the women, cooing, and the normally stoic man scratched the back of his neck, keeping his head down. If possible, he seemed paler than usual.

He tapped the microphone.

"Ah..._what_ now?"

* * *

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.**

"Tsunade-sama!"

"Busy, Shizune!"

The dark-haired medic pouted slightly, then continued slamming her fist into the heavy wooden door.

"No you're not, you're just drinking again!"

"That's a terrible thing to say! I'm doing...paperwork."

Shizune frowned, staring at the plaque on the door. "Um...Tsunade..._I_ do your paperwork."

The Hokage let out a frustrated groan, and Shizune let herself in.

Sure enough, the blonde Hokage was slumped over her desk, swinging a bottle in her limp hand. It slipped from her fingers and would have hit the floor and shattered had the other woman leapt for it.

"Lady Tsunade," she chastised, placing the bottle carefully on the corner of the desk. "Wait 'til there's a reason to celebrate!"

"There's always a reason to celebrate," she retorted snidely. "'Specially if Jiraiya's involved, that bastard. I just won another bet."

"Is that all you do, is try to best Jiraiya?" Shizune inquired, eyebrows furrowed. "I have news!"

Tsunade grunted in reply, apparently interested in pulling apart a pen, eyes slightly unfocused.

"Sakura is-"

The door burst open and low and behold, Jiraiya stumbled over the threshold and shoved Shizune out of his way, lowering his bloodshot eyes to Tsunade's.

"Tha' apprentice o' yours is bearin' an Uchiha bastard!!"

**SLAP.**

"You drunken mess! That's so rude!" Shizune screeched. "I'm ashamed, so ashamed, of both of you," she continued. They both stared at her blankly, and she shook a finger at them in reprimand. "Bad, both of you are_ very bad_."

Shizune flounced out, TonTon's toes clicking on the wooden floor. She stuck her finger out once more, pointing it at each other them in turn, glaring. "BAD INFLUENCES!"

Jiraiya slid from the desk and onto the floor in an ungraceful heap. Tsunade sat up as abruptly as though she had been smacked across the face with a saucepan.

"SAKURA'S PREGNANT!"

* * *

Sasuke stared blankly ahead, ignoring the fact that the entire room full of jounin was crowded around his table and barraging him with prying questions. Neji and Shikamaru remained on either side of him, but Ino and Tenten were lying across the table with their chins propped up in their palms, craving for details. 

"So, when you decide you wanted a baby?"

"Go away."

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

"This is the first I've heard about it. Go away."

"What will you name it?"

"Go away."

"Do you still find her sexually attractive, even when she's pregnant?"

"Go. Away."

They continued, and Neji and Shikamaru, being the _great, loyal_ friends they were, sat and watched the Uchiha grow steadily angrier. Preferring to watch him suffer. Hinata was chastising Naruto sorely for his outburst, while Naruto was half-torn, half-ecstatic at the fact that he was going to be a godfather (though no one had confirmed this yet). Meanwhile, the air was filled with pink confetti and metaphorical hearts as Lee, whom most would have assumed he'd be crushed, danced and twirled in circles around the room, shaking hands with random jounin and talking about how pretty Sakura-chan was.

Oh, yes, and speaking of graphic topics of 'youth' at the top of his lungs.

"Is she going to breastfeed?"

"Go. Away."

"Who's going to be the godfather?"

"ME!" Lee interjected, showering Sasuke's ebony locks with confetti.

Twitch.

"No, me!" Naruto protested, clapping Sasuke's shoulder, wonderfully oblivious, as Sasuke crushed the microphone in his calloused hand.

Lee pouted for a moment, then jumped upon the desk. Sasuke stared up at _that little bastard _in _his tight green spandex _and_ I'll carve out his kneecaps with a rusty kunai_ and _damn, my wife's coarse language is rubbing off on me,_ and speaking of which, _where the hell is my wife, anyway?_

As though Lee had read his mind, he punched a fist into the air, metaphorical flames burning in his dark eyes. "I MUST PROCLAIM THIS REVELATION TO THE WORLD! SAKURA IS BEARING A CHILD OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS UCHIHA BLOODLINE! HOW YOUTHFUL!"

Sasuke slammed his hands on the desk and prepared to slash the kunai straight through his torso; Shikamaru grabbed Sasuke's wrist and Lee took the opportunity to flounce out, recalling vivid wedding memories of the couple. Of their cake fights and their vows and how fun the honeymoon must have been, although Lee most likely had no idea what making a baby _really_ entailed. Poor boy, he would be scarred.

"Get. Him." Sasuke seethed, gritting his teeth at Neji. "Get him before I_ kill_ him!"

Neji shoved his chair back; normally, he might have grinned insufferably at the Uchiha, further testing his temper, but this wasn't the time.

"Sasuke, where ya goin'?" Naruto asked, bounding along behind Sasuke. The dark-haired shinobi left a furious trail of broken desks and overturned chairs in his wake, and the crowd followed them out the door and down the hallways. Sasuke mentally created his to-do list.

_Find wife. Kill Lee._

Tsunade and Jiraiya burst out of a nearby office and hurriedly ran down the hallway; Jiraiya yelled "She's pregnant!".

Sasuke quickened his pace.

_Kill Lee, the pervert, and the hag. Then, find wife._

* * *

Said wife was not at the hospital, nor at home, as Sasuke had discovered by checking her usual dwellings first thing, a constantly babbling Naruto close behind. Wherever Sakura was, the entire crowd of people were sure to follow. 

Sasuke now stood in the middle of the villager square, frustrated beyond palpable belief. Kicking a stone, he put his arms behind his head and stomped around: _Where is she?_

Someone familiar was walking towards them, clad in typical jounin attire and with his nose in a book.

"KAKASHI!"

Kakashi looked up just in time to be hoisted up by the collar by an enraged Uchiha. Sharingan blazing in his dark eyes, he shook his former teacher roughly.

"Where-is-Sakura?"

"Sasuke, she's _your_ wife, not mine. Although..." Kakashi trailed off knowingly with a smirk.

"Tell me where she is!"

"Is something wrong?" Kakashi asked lazily.

"Sakura-chan is having a baby!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Surely not right now?"

"No, we just found out!" Naruto said.

"Well, then, I should go congratulate her-"

Sasuke took him by the collar again. "NO, you're going to stay here and tell me where she is!"

"I have an idea..."

"TELL ME!"

"I don't know if I want to."

"I WILL KICK YOUR _PORN-ADDICTED _ASS!" Sasuke screamed, his voice near-hysterical and catching the attention of many passerby out for market day.

Kakashi chose that moment to disappear, and good thing too, because Sasuke felt the need to punch someone, and Naruto was the only one around.

**SLAM.**

_Kill everyone. Find wife._

* * *

She was completely peaceful. 

Small body stretched out gracefully beneath her favorite Sakura tree, eyelids fluttering every so often as her chest rose up and down in a steady rhythm. Her sleep had gone interrupted for a while now, but as the ground began to shake, she groaned and stretched her arms above her head. Pink locks tousled, she yawned and put a hand over her eyes in the direction of the obnoxious noise and realized that an entire crowd of people were not only calling her name, but thundering, a united throng, towards the tree.

Not keen on being trampled, she sat up quickly and backed against the trunk, trying to discern familiar faces. She saw Lee, Shizune, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Ino-pig and Tenten; Lee was in the lead, and close behind him, in furious, fatal pursuit, was Sasuke.

Cursing amiably, Sakura used her excellent chakra control to run up the trunk of the tree and camouflage herself within the branches, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Straddling a branch, she peered through the foliage and saw them gather around the tree.

"Oh...my god..."

Sasuke appeared in front of her, crouching deftly on the branch. "There you are."

"Sasuke, what's going on?" she demanded.

"I...you're..." he couldn't speak. "They all want to congratulate you, for being pregnant!"

Ludicrousness ballooned in the silence.

As frightening as Sasuke could be, he could admit that he feared for his life as she took him by the collar and dragged him to her, speaking dangerous, staccato syllables against his lips.

"How...ma-ny peop-le...did...you..._tell_?"

"_I_ didn't tell anyone,"he hissed, highly affronted. "Naruto's the idiot that told all the jounin!"

Sakura surveyed him with a predatory glare, then let go of his shirt roughly, her expression softening. She fixed her jade eyes upon his dark ones, letting her thin, fragile fingers trail down his chest.

"Are you happy?" she whispered.

"What?" Sasuke snapped, without thinking, which proved to be a mistake. Her countenance became stony as she swallowed noticeably, blinking furiously at his callousness that more often than not, came through at the worst times. Staring at her, he searched her face and saw her distress. His anger, while not directed at her or the event, was coming out at her.

He raised two fingers to brush the stray tendrils of hair from her face, blowing gently in the breeze that wrapped around them.

"Are you...happy?" she repeated, even softer. Voice cracking in the end, she lowered her head to stare with narrowed eyes at the branch they were straddling, jaw set so strikingly familiar. It almost hurt him to see.

He took her hand; his strong, calloused fingers protecting her fragile, ivory ones, those same gentle ones, that could break him, physically and emotionally, with just one touch.

Cradling her face with his other hand, he leaned forward and breathed gently against her lips:

"Yes, Sakura. I am."

It was slowly sinking in, just how palpable and real this was. He had never expected to make it this far, in life or in love or in anything else. He had never thought about it and for all the time he spent thinking, he had never wanted it embedded in his mind for fear of losing it all over again.

Nothing could take it away this time.

Not his love for her, or hers for him.

Not his life, that was now changing for the better, if that was possible.

Not his unborn child. _His_ child._ Her _child. _Their _child.

"I hope he has your eyes."

Sakura gasped quietly, at his sudden, rare display of personal affection. Untwining her fingers from his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and dragged him down to her, crushing her slightly open mouth against his with a moan. Tugging on his dark hair as she pulled his body against hers and he complied, sliding his arms around her waist and deepening the sensual kiss. Clutching each other, in love and in want and need.

Tears.

"Sasu-kun," she murmured, with her bottom lip still captured in his own. "I hope he has your heart."

And she meant it. She always had.

He splayed his fingers across her lower stomach and felt it gently. Somewhere in there was a heartbeat. A separate rhythm that beat wholly on it's own, another being that would have Uchiha blood in his veins. Strength. Loyalty.

With the best qualities of each other.

Their child.

* * *


	2. The Other Folder

Please remember that this is mostly crack. :) So if you tell me there's OOC-ness, well...DUH. And it's weird. My mind is weird, writing is weird, IT'S WEIRD.

These oneshots are all about the same subject, but they'll skip around, and they're random, and they have no specific genre. Naruto and Hinata have only just started dating, so that's partly to blame for Naruto's severe lack of knowledge.

No, never mind, I just like making him clueless because it works. :) This one focuses on Sasuke and Naruto's unconventional friendship, and I like it. But I can't make endings crack-esque, so it ends up happy again. Uncomfortable Sasuke FTW.

* * *

**The Other Folder**

**--**

**SLAM.**

Even as the lock clicked ominously, seconds after the slam had commenced with mockingly slow reaction, the Uchiha did not awaken from his deep sleep. Lean but muscular limbs twisted in the navy blue sheets, he remained unresponsive as his breath caught in his throat slightly. Hair barely tousled, (though enough, so, as to make one _suspicious _just how much sleep he had gotten that past night), he turned his face into the pillow that consequently, did not belong to him. His was on the floor in the corner, having been thrown from the bed for reasons he could only smile about now.

He did just that, smirking as he breathed deeply into the pillow.

The ANBU captain, the frigid bastard, former traitor, back from a late mission the night before, was exhausted for more than one reason. Perhaps _this _was the reason that he did not come to consciousness, almost as if he had simply been closing his eyes, and respond accordingly to the visitor.

That_ loud_ visitor was disrupting the peaceful sanctity of Sasuke's sleeping time.

"ACK!"

**CLATTER.**

"GAAAH, why is THAT in the middle of the floor?"

Amazingly, Sasuke still did not react. He merely exhaled and twitched. Boy, was he _exhausted_.

The intruder let off a string of immature, toned–down curses that his own wife had been exuding upon him lest he instill colorful profanities into their future children's vocabulary, and pouted. He set the folder he had brought with him on the table, a strange gentleness and tense air about him as he did so, as though it held something crucial, or perchance, exciting. This visitor knew the wrath he would be subjected to if he let anything happen to it.

Booted footsteps, albeit ungraceful, echoed down the wooden floors of the hallway and did not stop to pause respectfully at the threshold, nor stop the door from hitting the wall.

When the visitor realized Sasuke was asleep, he attempted to make his footfalls a bit quieter, to no avail.

A tentative step-

**CRUNCH.**

He didn't dare look; he didn't want to know.

Another step-

**CLING.**

A kunai. Fairly normal.

The sound of creaking bedsprings sliced through the thick air and the intruder lowered his face to Sasuke's, hovering in close proximity as the dark-haired shinobi relished his sweet sleep. His eyebrows furrowed in his semi-conscious state and the man inches from his face grinned, leaning closer.

Faint scents...stale cologne and cherries...

Sasuke groaned and turned his head toward the disturbance as his senses correctly perceived the intruder. The pout of a child awoken early by a parent graced his handsome features, and he reached back with a pale hand to touch his shoulder. He seethed. A faint slit across the blade, not terribly deep, but it _had_ been enough to make him submit. She could be sadistic sometimes.

Locks of hair brushed his equally pale face, and someone's _annoyingly_ loud breathing was hitting his face like a slap.

His eye opened a slit, revealing tired, glittering onyx.

Naruto grinned and stage-whispered, "GOOD MORNING, TEME!"

"AAAUGHH!"

**THUNK. **

Naruto's grin faded as Sasuke's slightly disheveled head appeared over the opposite edge of the bed, features contorted into a dangerously intense glare. In a moment he realized just how much trouble he was in, and bounced backward off the bed hastily, hands up.

Sasuke stood. Towering damn near six foot with narrowed eyes, he twitched.

"Heh heh, um, mornin-"

"Get out." Yes, Sasuke was extremely exhausted.

"Right, sure, but I brought you-"

"Out."

"But I-"

"Gave me a fucking heart attack, now get out."

"Hey, lucky bastard, after a night like _that_, you should be in a _good_ mood-ACK!"

Naruto could barely defend himself against the terrible onslaught of a mental slap and stumbled backward, wincing from the thin slit of crimson in his friend's eyes. It didn't take much.

"Fine, I'll let you get dressed, geez," Naruto relented, rolling his eyes and stepping carefully around the clothes, pillows, and _is that another kunai? _The blonde wondered, eyes wide. Sasuke stalked around the edge of the bed and began shoving his friend out, as if he weren't going fast enough, but that didn't stop the unwanted visitor from running his big mouth.

"Y' know, I thought since you were gonna be a dad, you would start being all responsible and stuff, and stop screwing around in public like rabbits in heat!"

"My house isn't 'public', idiot," Sasuke hissed, pushing Naruto over the threshold. "So stop using it as such. Learn to knock!"

With that, the thoroughly annoyed Uchiha slammed the door in his face. Naruto was used to it; neither him nor Sakura were 'morning people'.

At least this time, he hadn't walked in when Sakura was home too.

* * *

"Sakura left you a note!" Naruto exclaimed the second Sasuke entered the kitchen. The former waved it around, and through slightly tumescent eyelids, the dark-haired shinobi squinted at the flawless, bright green handwriting. "Aw, she calls her sweet bastard 'Sasu-kun' now." 

Growling, Sasuke snatched the paper from him, read it quickly, then folded it neatly in half and left it on the table. Naruto grinned suggestively at him; Sasuke pursed his lips, gaze wandering until it settled upon the manilla folder. Eyes narrowed, he scrutinized the foreign object and looked inquisitively at Naruto for the answer.

"Oh, oh yeah, this is what I came here for!" The blonde said excitedly. For some reason, he did not touch it, but nodded to his companion with a distinct air of dramatics. "It's Sakura-chan's megasound results!"

Silence.

"Erm...Naruto, you mean ultrasound?"

Naruto raised his eyes skyward for a moment, then sweat dropped. Rubbing the back of his blonde mane with an awkward smile, he said, "Heh heh heh, uh, yeah, I knew that! _Ultra_sound!"

Sasuke snickered in spite of himself, then muttered a word that sounded distinctly like "catra." Then, his expression became flat. "I can't open it."

"WHY NOT?" Naruto demanded, eyes alight with obvious excitement; he wanted to know just as much as Sasuke.

A pause. "I wanted to...open it...with her," he muttered, lowering his head. For all his harsh words and frigid demeanor, he seemed to be slightly ashamed, embarrassed, or maybe he was unaccustomed to such sensitivity. "We discussed it."

"Yeah, but she probably saw the pictures already," Naruto replied.

"...The gender, though..." It seemed important to Sasuke to wait.

"Well, that's fine, then! But Sakura has to work today."

Sasuke bristled. "Why did that hag call her in?"

"Short staffed," Naruto replied amiably, grabbing a round, red fruit from the ceramic bowl in the middle of the table; he observed it for a moment. "This isn't an apple."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, then snatched the fruit from him and bit into it. "Tomato."

"Shoulda known," the blonde said. "And it's your last one, too."

"Sakura was going to shop today," Sasuke murmured as not to show a mouthful of food, savoring every drop of juice from his unconventional breakfast.

"Well, baa-chan said they'd need her 'til tonight, so you're outta luck."

He was annoyed. "She worked _last_ night. Late."

Naruto tilted his head slightly and muttered, "That didn't stop you two from-"

"Shut up."

"Why don't you just go shopping? After all, you're off today!" The blonde bounded from his seat as his stomach rumbled, and he began to look through the cupboards in search of nourishment. "Ah, you got any ramen?"

"Naruto, in this house, we eat actual _food_. Vegetables too, come to think of it."

"Well right now, you have _nothing_, so I say we go shopping. Hell, I'll come with ya, I have nothing else to do," Naruto supplied. He screwed up his face against the pangs of hunger, holding his belly and whining. "Come on, I'm _hungry_! Besides, it'll be one less thing for Sakura to do! She'll be all appreciative and stuff!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but stood up and stretched his tall frame to the ceiling, yawning. "Fine. But I'm not keen on playing housewife."

"Oh please, you know you're on the bottom anyway," Naruto jibed.

Glare.

The blonde darted quickly out of the kitchen, letting out a strangled cry as the heavy, ceramic bowl flew mere centimeters above his head. "GAH! KIDDING! SORRY!"

Sasuke smirked and grabbed his coat from a nearby chair, calling, "Not only are you the uke in your own relationship, you submit to _me_ too."

* * *

Grocery stores were generally crowded places, and this day held no exception, much to Sasuke's annoyance. Throw in the fact that he detested shopping for anything at any time, even with Sakura even if it was making her happy; that was damn near the only reason he would ever do it. 

_Tch, crowds._

"Come on teme, it's not that bad," Naruto exclaimed, obviously not bothered by the people or the constant chatter. The annoying music over the speakers that was occasionally interrupted by updates on sales, which promptly sent hordes of shoppers moving through the place like a herd of buffalo. Even the fluorescent lights that made Sasuke squint and scowl. "Stop being all pissy, get a cart, and we'll get it done fast!"

Sasuke rose an eyebrow. "A cart?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and turned away, instead picking up a handled basket. "Fine. Use this instead."

Sasuke folded his arms, staring him down, hissing, "I am _not _carrying that."

"This is _your_ job!"

"No, this is Sakura's job," Sasuke huffed. "I haven't been shopping since I threw someone into a display case."

"Why'd you do that?"

Sasuke mumbled something unintelligible.

"Fine,_ I'll_ carry it," Naruto proclaimed gallantly, hooking the empty basket onto his arm and striding into the nearest aisle without a glance back at the Uchiha, who shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged behind like a child dragged along clothes shopping with his mother. It felt _so_ demeaning, and it was worse due to the fact that he had a reputation, and, whether good or bad, _everyone_ knew him. Out of the corner of his eye, a girl no older than thirteen watched him carefully, her dark eyes drinking in his towering presence (although he was hunched in hopes of not being recognized) and cold demeanor. When her mother caught her looking, she took her by the elbow and steered her away.

Always the same. Despite the fact that it was public knowledge and more specifically, gossip, that he was married and now having a child with a woman who had quite a reputation herself, girls from ages ten and up still felt like gawking. Staring. Fantasizing. Throwing stuff in his window and forcing him to restrain his wife. Mothers disapproved, having the pleasure of knowing the painful and tainted details of his childhood and defection, and later, the murder of more than one man, including Uchiha Itachi.

Guess that didn't stop their children from craving and worshiping the 'bad boy' idol, though he was no boy;_ I'm fucking twenty-four and girls half my age won't leave me alone! They can go break the Hyuuga bastard's windows!_

Dragging his feet, he trudged down the aisle with his impassive, bored expression set, and found Naruto reaching for, no, planting his foot on the lower shelf to climb higher to reach-

"Naruto, neither of us really eat ramen," he reminded monotonously, shaking his head as he watched the blonde climb determinedly to reach the case at the top.

"Hold this," he said, ignoring the point Sasuke had attempted to make and waving the basket around.

Arms still folded. "Didn't I say I _wasn't carrying that thing_?"

"But what the hell am _I_ supposed to eat when I come over?" Naruto demanded, dropping the basket onto the floor with a clatter and swaying from his perch.

"Don't you have your _own_ house, your _own_ kitchen and your _own_ woman to cook, since I know you can't?"

"But Hina-chan was on a mission and was gone before I woke up!"

"Which I suppose is the reason you didn't eat breakfast."

Naruto scowled and hung off the shelf with one hand, turning his body to Sasuke and retorting, "It's not like you make your own breakfast either! You either eat a tomato or have Sakura make it!"

"That's not the point. And quit climbing like that; this is a store, not a jungle gym."

Naruto continued to scowl and strained to reach the top shelf, becoming steadily frustrated, until a large, scarred hand appeared next to Naruto. It lifted the case of ramen with ease. Naruto tilted his head. "Huh?"

"Uzumaki!"

The younger shinobi looked to see Anko standing there, raising an eyebrow up at him. The young blonde let out a strangled cry as her arm shot out, roughly taking him by the collar and prying him from the shelves. "This is a store, not a jungle gym, boy!" Without further pretense, she dropped him to the tile and clapped her hands, as if ridding them of dust; her companion, Ibiki, put the case of ramen next to him on the floor.

"Ah, thanks," Naruto said sheepishly.

Anko rolled her eyes noticeably, then noticed Sasuke.

"Uchiha-san." A curt nod, a common smirk, and Ibiki echoed her with the same gesture. The aristocratic Uchiha returned their politeness only with a nod, no title, no name. Anko took the sleeve of Ibiki's overcoat and pulled him past, not willing to get into a conversation. Thankfullythe young shinobi were arguing with each other again as Naruto attempted to fit the oversize case of ramen into the rather small shopping basket, with Sasuke snapping that he was an idiot. The jounin walked on.

"That kid is _weird_," Anko said bluntly, once they were out of earshot.

Ibiki nodded in agreement, sighing, and muttered, "And he's our Hokage-in-training."

* * *

"Hey, teme, here's the tomatoes!" 

The dark-haired shinobi turned away from the spread of fruit and continued to twist a green pipe cleaner out of boredom, tossing it over his shoulder without a thought as he made his way over to Naruto. Strangely, there was a crowd hovering near the produce displays, comprised of mainly mothers; it piqued his interest, not to mention it was disconcerting the way they watched and waited so hungrily for a reason unbeknownst to Sasuke.

"Geez, there's so many kinds," Naruto commented as Sasuke walked up, already sizing them up with his obsidian eyes. Almost eerie, the way he regarded them with unnaturally keen interest. Predatory. For minutes on end of awkward silence, Naruto watched him stalk up and down the row, picking one up and poking it, feeling it, throwing it into his other hand, and replacing it among the rest.

"C'mon, you're taking forev-"

He broke off, letting out a cry of surprise as Sasuke sunk his teeth into one of them, smirking slightly. Tasty, ambrosial. A faint trail of juice slid from his lips, down his aristocratic jaw line, and he didn't seem to mind as he calmly chewed, swallowed, and swept the mess away with the base of his thumb.

Naruto stared.

Sasuke put the bitten the fruit in his other hand and carefully lifted another from the display. Setting it gently in the basket Naruto was holding, he nodded to himself and repeated this action, choosing seven more to put in.

"Eight. Bruise them, I'll kill you. Let's go," Sasuke stated solemnly, raising the tomato to his mouth once more and beckoning the thoroughly puzzled Naruto along. Tinkling notes of music, reminiscent of the type heard in elevators, were cut short as an announcement for a sale echoed over the intercom.

"Sasuke," Naruto began, wincing as his feet were stomped on by the crowd of people they were moving against, "I think you're a sadist."

_My wife's the sadist,_ Sasuke thought, but he did not speak this aloud and did not deny it.

"Ah."

"What are we looking for next?"

Sasuke heaved a sigh and looking disinterestedly at the people milling about the store, noting that there were more shoppers than before. "Aren't we done?"

"Let's just walk to the end of the aisles, then, I can tell you're not havin' fun!" Naruto accused, jostling the basket a bit too roughly for Sasuke's liking; he scowled.

Passing aisle after aisle, neither saw anything of much interest, though Naruto most likely would have found more useless items to put in the basket if Sasuke hadn't grunted and jerked his head, illustrating that he wanted to leave _sooner _than later. Naruto walked past an aisle, then hurriedly walked backwards to gaze in it.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

Sasuke blinked. He too retraced his steps to see his former sensei, renowned shinobi, a pervert with no shame, perusing the shelves at the other end. He had come just the other night to chat with Sakura about the whole 'pregnancy' thing, which actually was not bad even it had only been a few months. Even if it was weird talking to her teacher about it, but he _was_ like a father to them. Telling her not to worry about the early ultrasound, because Tsunade knew what she was doing and it would be beneficial in the end, but Sasuke knew part of the reason was because he liked Sakura's cooking. Of course he ended up staying for dinner.

"Hah, Kakahsi-sensei!" Naruto bounded down the aisle towards the jounin, basket swinging and Sasuke wincing as his precious tomatoes were jostled against other, in his opinion, worthless produce. He was about to follow the obnoxious blonde when he blinked again and glanced at the items on the shelves.

He froze.

Despite the fact that Sasuke was generally calm; albeit annoyed, yes, but calm; he actually took two steps back with an expression of slight panic.

"SENSEI!" Naruto yelled, waving his arms up and down and bolting the rest of the way down the aisle. The gray-haired jounin seemed unperturbed, downright oblivious to what he was looking at and did not so much as hesitate to find what he was looking for and throw it carelessly into his basket. "I didn't know you came here!"

Kakakshi heaved a sigh and skipped the introduction, glancing at Sasuke at the end of the aisle, who made himself look as though he had no idea that he knew them. Unfortunately, arms folded and foot tapping and his gaze determinedly cast away, it was all too obvious.

"Ah, well, even adults need to shop once in a while," he stated blithely, patting Naruto's head like a child; the younger shinobi squirmed under his fatherly gesture and pointed at himself.

"I'm an adult too! I can drink now!"

Kakashi chuckled lightheartedly and replied, "Though you're still calling me 'sensei'." Raising his head, he raised his gloved hand in a friendly gesture to Sasuke, who glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Sasuke."

The Uchiha did not reply and shifted his weight nervously.

Kakashi tilted his head, asking, "What's wrong with him?"

"Oh, he's just got a pole up his ass, as usual. He hates shopping," Naruto supplied, his attention starting to wander to the unfamiliar items on the shelves. "Get over here, teme, and say hi to Kakashi-sensei!"

"No."

Kakashi placed a hand on his chest and grinned. "Ouch. Now Sasuke, I do believe that hurts. Come greet your sensei for old time's sake!"

"You were at-my-house-_yesterday_," Sasuke stated through gritted teeth, each word painfully staccato.

"Even so," Kakashi replied.

Naruto stomped his foot, let the basket clatter to the floor (Sasuke growled as a tomato fell onto the tile) and sprinted down the aisle, intent on making the arrogant prick move his feet and stop being antisocial. The blonde was almost blissfully unaware of the reason Sasuke was hesitant to step foot into the aisle, but the Uchiha still managed to end up in front of Kakashi, thanks to Naruto's pushing and shoving.

Hands weighing down his pockets and shoulders pressed against his neck, Sasuke stared at the floor and muttered, "Hello, Kakashi."

"Good to see you, too, Sasuke," the jounin said amiably, ruffling his former students hair. The younger man cringed. "Though I do believe it's time for me to leave."

"Bye, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called as Kakashi walked around to the next aisle.

And immediately distracted, Naruto's greedy hand shot out to rifle through the bottles his teacher had been perusing. "What _is_ this stuff, anyway?"

Sasuke stared at him with an expression appropriate of a deer in the headlights, then snatched it from him and shoved it back onto the shelf. "Can we _leave_?"

"Not 'til I figure out what this is!"

"Naruto, put it back-"

"Hmm..." Naruto held it to his ear and shook it.

Sasuke let out a groan of frustration and glanced around warily, starting to fidget, as Naruto popped off the cap. The Uchiha's eyes were wide in surprise, embarrassment, and amazement at his utter stupidity. "Naruto!" His voice was a hiss, still low enough to not attract attention, a tinge of red rising his in his pale cheekbones.

Staring at the label, the blonde quirked his head to the side and muttered, "It has flavors..."

Sasuke snatched at the bottle but Naruto stepped back. "What's _your_ problem? Get your own!"

"Put it _back_," Sasuke hissed once more.

"Listen, if you can take a bite out of food, then I can have a free sample of some soap," Naruto said dramatically, pouting and holding it away from his companion. Taking another one off the shelf, the blonde shoved it at him. "Here. This one has a different flavor!"

"That is _not _soap!"

"Says you," Naruto stated ruefully, pouring some into his palms and rubbing them together furiously. "I wonder why Kakashi-sensei likes this stuff."

Sasuke threw out his hands, wringing them in an almost fierce panic but was unable to speak. Red in the face and thoroughly frustrated, he grimaced as Naruto sniffed his hands.

"Doesn't really have a smell, though-HEY!"

Sasuke snatched it, clenched it in his fist and put the cap on, but Naruto grabbed another from the shelf and gave him a dirty look. "You're so selfish. Fine, have it."

"No, I don't want it!"

"Then why did you take it?"

"Naruto, stop, it's not-it's not soap...READ IT!" Sasuke burst out, the last two words pitching horribly.

Attracting a few stares.

"Fine, damn it, I will!" Naruto mumbled to himself for a moment, then muttered, "Lubricant?"

There was a long pause.

"Why does Kakashi need this stuff? He doesn't work on cars."

Sasuke covered his flushed face and mumbled something indistinct.

"What?"

"It's not for...cars," Sasuke muttered in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Well then WHAT IS IT FOR?"

Anko and Ibiki rounded the corner and headed for the end of the aisle, halting their conversation but not their footsteps as the two shinobi argued, quite loudly.

"You know, you could have just asked to use it!" Naruto burst out, throwing his arms into the air and waving the bottle around. "I don't see why you have to be such an ass about it!"

Sasuke threw up his arms in exasperation also and bellowed, "I don't _want_ to use it, that's the point! Why the hell would I need something like that?"

"I don't know what it's for, maybe you DO need it!" Naruto retorted. "You don't have to be such a prick just 'cause you know what it is and I don't!"

Anko and Ibiki walked silently past, containing any and all crude comments, if just barely, and rounded the corner without a word.

"Would you put it back on the damn shelf already?"

"Not until you tell me what it's for, why it has so many flavors, and why Kakashi bought it!"

"FINE!"

In the next aisle, Anko and Ibiki stopped in their tracks: No less than six or seven jounin, consisting of Kakashi, (reading a book), Asuma, Gai, and Ebisu (all reading magazines), were hovering around the display. Not only that, Kurenai had one too, and Anko glanced at the sign and blinked.

"Why are you all...huddled here...in the corner?"

Asuma glanced at the proctor over his magazine and rolled his eyes at the nearby sign. "We're not allowed to walk around with this stuff."

Anko's mouth opened slightly, and she glanced at Kurenai, whom was leaning against Asuma's legs; she straightened her magazine of questionable content with a flourish, and turned the page. Gai turned his upside-down and seemed to be fairly confused at the content within, but was smiling all the same; Asuma seemed perfectly content, as did Kakashi, though the latter was giggling slightly.

"You are all so...weird," Anko muttered.

"_Excuse us_, Miss sadist," Kurenai murmured, turning the magazine sideways.

The proctor sneered, eyes sweeping the crowd once more, (Ebisu turned red and hid his face behind the magazine), then left Ibiki's side and stalked forward. Kurenai handed her a magazine without taking her eyes off her own, and Anko sat cross-legged upon the floor and opened it.

A moment passed in silence, aside from the occasional turning of pages. Ibiki could only stare blankly at Anko, wondering just how sane he was in comparison to the rest of them. And this was saying something, considering his profession and hobby was torture and interrogation.

"GAAAAH!"

None of the jounin reacted as Naruto shoved past Ibiki and stalked through the group of jounin, holding his arms over his head and blindly stumbling, Sasuke on his tail.

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S WHAT IT MEANT!"

"All you had to do was read the back!" Sasuke burst out, his voice unnaturally high.

"I _RUBBED_ IT ON MY_ HANDS_!"

"Why didn't you listen to me?"

"WHY THE HECK DID KAKASHI-SENSEI BUY THAT?"

Said jounin looked up as Sasuke said, "He may be a pervert, but obviously he gets-"

He broke off and stared around at the small congregation of jounin. One glance at the display was all he needed to put it together, and he looked around at Ibiki in horror, who shrugged nonchalantly.

"WHAT THE HELL IS_ WRONG_ WITH ALL OF YOU?" Sasuke demanded, paling considerably and struggling to keep his voice from pitching again.

"AHA!" Naruto yelled, dramatically pointed a finger at Ebisu, who jerked in surprise; his glasses slid off his nose. "I _knew_ you were a closet pervert!"

"Shh, I'm getting to the good part," Kakashi chastised, waving the young shinobi away.

"I'm leaving. Now," Sasuke hissed, and Kakashi grinned at him. "_Freaks._"

"Oh hush, Sas-_U-_KAY."

Sasuke turned on his heel and slammed his fist into the magazine rack, most likely condemning his sensei to every fiery hell he knew of, and Naruto couldn't stop staring at Kakashi, clearly nauseated. Turning on his heel, he caught up to Sasuke and said, "Why are _you_ so freaked out? You and Sakura use_ props_, for god's sake!"

* * *

"So, why did you get so much vanilla ice cream?" Naruto asked, peering into one of the many bags hanging from his arms. 

Sasuke sighed heavily and muttered, "Sakura wanted it a few nights ago. Might as well have it."

"...Sakura hates vanilla."

Sigh. "I know." _Damn her food cravings._

For a moment they stood in silence in front of the door. Then-

"Can you get the door Sasuke? I can't feel my arms," Naruto asked. His companion glowered at him, then shoved him aside and hit his shoulder against the door, hoping that Sakura was home. He couldn't feel his arms.

"Harder!" Naruto commanded, pushing his weight against Sasuke. "She can't hear us, and my arms HURT!"

Sasuke yelled out as Naruto's weight slammed his face against the door. "Get off me, idiot."

"Don't you have a key?"

"How would I use a key when my hands are full?"

Naruto pushed him against the door again. "Then just hit it harder until it breaks!"

"We are _not_ breaking down the door, Naruto."

After another moment of scuffling and swearing, the door opened and they crashed to the floor. Bags hit the wood and the contents spilled in all directions, rolling fruit and smashed containers. Sasuke looked straight ahead, finding himself facing a pair of sandaled feet. Jade toenails painted and wiggling obnoxiously in his face.

He looked up to find his wife staring down at him with a partly amused, partly puzzled look. Sighing and clucking her tongue, she kneeled upon the wood and carefully placed her fingers under his chin. Lifting his face to hers and tenderly touching warm lips to his own. "Afternoon, Sasu-kun."

"Ahm."

Footsteps sounded against the floor and Hinata poked her head in from the kitchen, eyes bright. "Sasuke-san?" She smiled. "Naruto-kun?"

Sakura pulled away and Hinata walked over to help Naruto off of Sasuke.

"Did you two...go...shopping?" The pink-haired woman inquired, taking Sasuke's hand to lift him from the floor.

"Yeah, and it was _horrible_!" Naruto whined. "And you won't believe what I found out!"

As Naruto immediately launched into the strange tale, Sakura left the bags on the floor and dragged Sasuke into the kitchen without a word. Shoving him into a chair without pretense, she drew one up to him and sat also. Not able to sit still.

"Can we open this now, please?" she begged, twisting her fingers nervously. "I can't stand it any longer!"

His dark eyes strayed to the manilla folder resting in the exact same place upon the table; she had not touched it in his absence, and now her eyes were widening with excitement.

"Go on," he murmured. "Open it."

"I won't do it first," she responded quickly. "Maybe you should. It's important to you."

"The child belongs to both of us, Sakura."

A tense silence fell.

She reached for it, fingers trembling, and slid it off the table-

-she let out a cry as it slipped from her grasp-

**PLAP. **

The folder hit the floor and fell open and some of the contents slid out; both of them dived from their seats in a strange, abrupt eagerness to see, to read, to know-

Sasuke grew rigid as he held up one sheaf of paper, and looked at Sakura in confusion.

She too was holding a folder.

Her breath caught; Sasuke was not breathing.

"Two?" she whispered frantically.

"..."

In an instant, both of them opened the secured folders and scattered the unnecessary papers, searching for the one page that told them details, and the seconds dragged as they read.

And after they had read it, it was over in one, unforgettable instant.

Onyx locked on jade.

In unison they switched; her fingers were still trembling.

Neither could find their voice.

Sasuke attempted to speak; "We're-"

"Two!" Sakura interjected, sounding lightheaded, breathless.

"You're-"

"Two!"

"They're-"

"Twins."

"A daughter."

"A son."

Blank stares, for seconds on end. Eyes moving from the papers, to each other and back again.

"Sakura-san, Sasuke-sa-" Hinata broke off at the sight; they were motionless, still clutching the things that had reduced them to shocked silence, not breaking that palpable, emotional stare. Naruto peered around the Hyuuga and, uncharacteristically, did not speak either.

Sakura got to her feet and her knees locked, breath catching in her throat once more, causing Hinata to rush forward and steady her. Sasuke clutched the table for support and lowered himself into a chair, looking as though he would never breathe again.

Naruto seemed worried, and broke the unnatural silence by saying, "Erm, teme?"

"Sakura," Sasuke murmured. The woman seemed almost startled at the sound of his voice, so unusually soft. So humbled. Getting to her feet, she stumbled forward and fell into his lap, burying her face into his chest as not to let her guests see her cry.

"Come, Naruto," Hinata whispered, gently tugging on his sleeve. "Tomorrow, you can ask."

The blonde remained silent, but stopped in the doorway to watch his two friends, holding each other close.

And he thought it was worth it to wait just a second more...to watch him lower his head and smile.

* * *


End file.
